Thanks man. It was a fun one to write. May turn it into something longer.
Helping a family member with health issues right now. Seem like every invasive, heartbreaking form I have to help them fill them out if riddled with typos and addendums from the annoyed people who have to interact with the paperwork.
There's so much that dazzles in here. You work in some humor - "Cursive may delay care" is such a subtly funny line - but quickly lean into a path that is simultaneously cold, clinical, and human. Heartbreaking. These lines are so smart, because you force the reader to go back and reread because that's what the narrator is doing:
"They wrote: Someone will eventually fill out a form about me and understand.
It’s original, but you have to reread the line because it won’t stay in your head."
Stellar, absolutely stellar.
Sparse. Haunting. Cut at me over and over again.
Thanks man. It was a fun one to write. May turn it into something longer.
Helping a family member with health issues right now. Seem like every invasive, heartbreaking form I have to help them fill them out if riddled with typos and addendums from the annoyed people who have to interact with the paperwork.
There's so much that dazzles in here. You work in some humor - "Cursive may delay care" is such a subtly funny line - but quickly lean into a path that is simultaneously cold, clinical, and human. Heartbreaking. These lines are so smart, because you force the reader to go back and reread because that's what the narrator is doing:
"They wrote: Someone will eventually fill out a form about me and understand.
It’s original, but you have to reread the line because it won’t stay in your head."
Thanks man.
The reread line was in there to emphasize how the intake person was physically tired and exhausted by the process.
I wanted to say it without saying it.
This is a hard-hitter! With great skill, it took me to a place that I've (fortunately) never been. Brilliant!
Thanks Remanon. That means a lot coming from you.
It was as fun to write as it was edit. Many, many darlings were murdered getting the second person frame of The Intake section work.